The Dom Sub Relationship - Toxic Relationship or Soul Connection?
Again and again, situations of reorientation and reorientation can arise in life. A connection, an agreement ends for some reason. Whether emotional pain or relief, sadness or joy, the most diverse emotions have to be reflected on and processed after such an end. Here I like to use the metaphor of a cupboard, which is standing in a bright attic and is filled with all sorts of boxes of different sizes. These boxes represent people, events and periods of life in a life that are already in the past.
One box may say "My Schooldays" and the other "My First Boyfriend". And on other boxes are the experiences made so far in the area of submission. Ideally, there should also be lids on all the containers, because this is the only way these boxes can be closed and categorized as having been. On the other hand, it could be more difficult if one or more of these boxes remain open in this closet of life. This fact shows that the event has probably already happened, but has apparently not yet been completely processed and filed under the heading "past". The breath of the contents of the open boxes reaches into the present and can also color the future.
The more boxes are open, the more there is a risk that unprocessed things will accumulate and prevent a real arrival in the here and now and unnecessarily withdraw life energy. Conversely, one's own world of thoughts repeatedly occupies itself with what has already happened and sometimes obscures the view of the essentials or thwarts the perception of new opportunities.
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So it can be advisable to reflect on what has happened, to process it, to draw personal conclusions from it and then to assign it to the past and thus finally close it. In other words, lift the lid onto the box and close it. This is all the more advisable when getting to know and meeting new people, because developing trust and getting involved with someone completely and without ifs and buts can often work best with a free spirit and without the ghosts of the Ex-partner in tow. It is therefore of great importance to take enough time to get to know each other. But how much soul life do I reveal to the other?
Now it can start, the exciting risk of getting involved with an unknown person and letting them enter your own world. How fast or slow can the approach happen? It can play a role in the process of reaching out what framework each person craves within this connection.
But does it really depend on the frame you are looking for? Is there a distinction between a gaming relationship, a weekend affair or a 24/7 partnership?
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We are talking about BDSM here, about allowing another person to enter your own, deep emotional world. Even if the sexual component should be in the foreground at a meeting and the mental level is less sought after, doesn't everyone involved want to be seen for who they are and what makes them special? Doesn't every BDSM practitioner want to feel like this interaction is happening with them and not over them?
Outside of any playful humiliation, do roles want to be taken and expectations fulfilled? Or does every person want to feel addressed in their deepest darkness? Does a previous human encounter result in unfiltered enjoyment? Toxic BDSM - Can it be prevented by being mindful and empathetic?
This is where the wheat could be separated from the chaff. Because a Dom driven by egoism and narcissism and a self-absorbed and self-centered sub probably have little desire to question their actions. When Sub's obedience becomes equated with silence. What appears to be succinctly written can mean serious stress for the sub and severely reduce their self-esteem. At best, the submission should let all actors fly and imply a good and happy feeling. Under no circumstances should BDSM cause real emotional pain, except for communicated forms of expression.
The willingness of my counterpart to be open to questions can be a sign of the integrity and sincerity of a counterpart not only in the process of getting to know each other. Everyone has their own pace for approaching and gaining trust. And without building trust, there can be no fulfilling and consistent BDSM. At best, this speed should be communicated boldly and openly, because sub and dom are entitled to this without restrictions. Now to the big question: Does it need a soul in the coexistence of Dom and Sub?
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I would answer yes to this question. My feeling is of course subjective, formed by insights into life and individual experiences. Everyone has their own opinion of what should be.
I would like to explain why I need soul in the encounter: only if I allow soul can I be seen by my counterpart. Then interaction with me as a person can happen before the sub comes into play in me. Every encounter can have its origin in mutual, equal getting to know the other person who is hidden behind Sub and Dom. If this person is perceived in all his or her facets, if this person is accepted and accepted, if this person is allowed to be as he really is and is allowed to live, which makes him completely happy, then Sub and Dom can truly unfold in full power .
My personal conclusion on the fulfilled submission
The way of getting to know each other happens first through the people, before sub and dom are dedicated. Even if the facets appear as a unit, the fewest participants are exclusively sub and dom. We are all human too. Maybe we are parents or working, maybe we have other commitments or different moods outside of the world of BDSM. Each of us brings with it a complex interplay of external and internal factors that made us the person we are in the present. Our own sexuality is just one of many facets that make us who we are.
Isn't it wonderful to be seen in all facets and to be accepted by our counterpart, no matter in what context and how often we meet? Or am I wrong about this? What do you all mean?
