How does a fetish develop in a person? What fetishes are there? Should you tell your partner about it? How can you live out your fetish with your partner or alone?
Questions upon questions that have probably come up in the course of your fetishism, could that be? In our guide, we get to the bottom of various topics and give you tips and possible answers to your questions. Jessy also deals with fetishes and relationships in her podcast. But let's start from the beginning: what is a fetish?
A fetish can be defined as a sexual interest in an object, body part, or activity. This can be something familiar like leather, feet or everyday objects, but also something more special like bondage games, latex or crossdressing. Fetishes can be very personal and intimate to the person who has them. They can also be taboo and not conform to social conventions. There are recognized kinks such as the high heel fetish and unaccepted ones such as ageplay or games with faeces. We explore the question of how fetishes develop in people, what types of fetishes there are and how you can live out your fetish and at the same time maintain a good relationship with your partner.
How do fetishes arise?
To say that fetishism is a diverse sexual interest would be an understatement. Fetishists may desire a seemingly harmless object or body part (e.g. butt, hair) or fetishize a material or specific garment (e.g. silk, nylon). Fan hype about a star is also a kind of fetishism to a certain extent. What all fetishes have in common, however, is that they arise from a strong desire that longs for gratification.
The origins of this imaginative form of sexuality are complex and not fully understood. Depth psychology recognizes different ways of origin. But modern medicine is clear that a fetish is not indicative of mental illness or misdirection of the mind. This was significantly different in earlier eras and put those affected under enormous pressure. One theory holds that fetishism is a psychosexual phenomenon that appears in childhood. In particular, it is believed to arise from feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. Another theory holds that fetishism is rooted in early experiences of female sexuality. However, a kink can also only develop in adulthood.
Regardless of its origins, fetishism is typically viewed as a stable sexual interest that extends into and continues into adulthood. While it was once thought to be a predominantly male phenomenon, recent research has shown that fetishes are relatively common among women as well. Ultimately, then, fetishism is a diverse and largely misunderstood sexual interest that occurs in people of all genders and backgrounds.
What types of fetishes are there?
When most people think of fetishes, they think of sexual attraction to objects or body parts that are not traditionally considered sexualized. However, fetishes are very diverse, and people can develop them for a variety of things. The most common occurrences include foot fetish, nylon fetish, latex fetish, leather fetish and rubber fetish. The focus of interest is on the feel, appearance and smell of the material.
The impact can range from relatively mild to extremely intense, affecting a single object or multiple objects. In any case, it's important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to experience a fetish. Every person is different. What animates one does not excite the other at all. Ultimately, it is crucial that both parties agree and enjoy practicing.
Discuss fetish passion with your partner?
If you have a fetish, it can be an opportunity to talk about it with your partner. At best, open discussion can contribute to a more fulfilling sex life for both of you and prevent misunderstandings or hurt feelings. If you do decide to talk to your partner about your fetish, it's essential to be sensitive and respectful, because every person's sexuality is very personal. Pay attention to the reaction of your counterpart and respect their boundaries. If both are willing to explore the fetish together, the next step can be to discuss the form in which the fetish finds its place in the relationship.
Empathetic communication is generally key when it comes to discussing a fetish with your partner. If you are honest, you can contribute to a more pleasant sexual relationship through the exchange. You can find tips for such a conversation in the podcast episode 1 by our life coach Jessy. Be sure to listen and recommend!
To be fair, we would like to say at this point that not every relationship conversation is positive or that there are good reasons for deciding against openly expressing a fetish within the partnership. That, too, is perfectly fine and should not be judged. Especially when it comes to an extreme or very unusual fetish, it could be possible that the fetishist experiences rejection or has to have existential fears. It is therefore important to weigh up the pros and cons before such a couple talk and should be well thought out. The podcast episode 2 is about exactly these considerations in the run-up to a decision-making process. Jessy will inform you in detail and help you further. If you have different questions, please do not hesitate to contact us. Then you have the opportunity to arrange an individual online consultation with our expert.
Find a way of sex that both want
If you have a fetish, it would be wise to find a way of acting out that works for you and your partner. If your partner is initially reluctant to engage in the fetish, they may still be willing to try it if you approach them in an understanding and sensitive manner. It is best if I sit down with your partner and explain to him what the content of your fetish is, what characterizes it and why you are interested in it. Emphasize that you don't want to pressure anyone to do something they don't agree with.
Next, you could discuss how to incorporate the fetish into sex life in a way that is comfortable for both of you. For example, if you're into bondage, you might suggest using bondage during sex or incorporating roleplay with BDSM elements as part of foreplay. If you desire your partner's feet, an extended foot massage would be a sensual variation in sexual interaction. Everything here is mutual agreement. Find an activity that does not create mental pressure or bad feelings in any of the participants. On a journey of discovery together, discover the erotic delicacies and toys that both find appealing and make your sex life more exciting. With imaginative creativity, it can become more likely to find a way to engage in the fetish in a way that works for both of you and doesn't feel left out or disadvantaged.
What if the partner reacts negatively?
It is an unpleasant situation when you have gathered all your courage and are confronted with your partner's lack of understanding. It can be very frustrating and disappointing to have this experience within a love community. Still, it's significant that you might try to understand his perspective. He may not feel comfortable with the idea of fetish play or find it too unusual. Social conventions and values are deeply rooted in people. Likewise the upbringing you enjoyed and the parental home from which your love comes. It may well be that fetishes are simply unknown and have not yet been encountered. It is best not to take a rejection too personally or as an affront to you as a person. The other person just isn't into the same things as you. It happens. Whatever the reason for your partner not wanting to indulge your fetish with you, it is important to respect your lover's wishes. Because a no means no, as unfortunate as it may be.
If so, find another way to explore your fetish needs. Here, too, Jessy knows excellent relationship tips in the podcast episode 2. You may find a willing boyfriend or girlfriend or see a professional to help you fulfill your erotic desires. Whatever you decide, never force your partner to do anything they don't agree to. This can lead to a break between you or, in the worst case, to the end of a relationship.
Talk to each other about your shared sexuality
Sex and emotional intimacy can be elementary components of a relationship. And they are sensitive issues that touch deep levels of consciousness and are difficult to discuss. One way to facilitate communication could be to talk openly about your wishes, ideas and fantasies. This can positively contribute to building trust and understanding between you and your partner and making sex more exciting and lively for both of you. Maybe you are unsure where to start? A tip at this point would be to share a fantasy that has come to your mind lately, or a sexual experience from your past that you enjoyed. Don't overdo it with ex-partner crushes, however, or your sweetheart might get jealous. Please do not only talk about yourself and include your sweetheart in the mental cinema. Ask him about his own wishes and ideas. In this way you surprise each other and possibly get to know new and wicked facets of the other. When you talk openly about sex, you automatically reach a higher level of connection within your partnership.
Good tips for living out the fetish alone
Have you always wanted to live out your fetish, but didn't really know how? Here are some professional tips from us that will make it much easier for you to get started with your fetishism. First, take enough time to find out what makes up your fetish, what it means to you and how much space it should take up in your life. Which activities or scenarios are you specifically interested in? Are there certain objects or items of clothing that you find arousing?
Once you have a good understanding of your own desires, the next step is to look for ways to weave them into your sex life, alone or with other people. If you are in a relationship, be bold and talk to your partner about your fantasies and ask if they would be willing to try them. If you are single, on the other hand, there are many ways to pursue your fetish alone or with others. The Internet offers you a variety of websites and forums that deal with fetishes and address questions about them. There you can find like-minded people, talk to them or arrange to meet up. Likewise, there is the way of attending fetish parties or events, either alone or with dates and friends. However you decide to indulge your horny fetish, please make sure that any interaction - whether online or in real life - is safe and consensual. Have fun!
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